They should smear this over re-entry vehicles

So I'm doing the weekly online shopping list, although I am not allowed to actually put the order in until the missus comes home and checks it through, removing the Highland Park six-pack

Good

and the one kilo jar of luxury jumbo honey-roasted cashews

Bad (in a good way)

and replacing them with worthless items such as washing powder and shower shine spray.

Ugly

when what do I come across in the cupboard, but this

I am so embarrassed. I honestly don't know what I am doing here. I should be in the bin.

Who put this back in the cupboard? It wasn't me. Ergo, it was SWMBO, the lazy minx. I know her game. Because of the draconian recycling regime which the local council impose to keep the proletariat firmly under their apparachik bootheels, all glass has to be washed clean before recycling; the penalty being internal exile to Middlesborough.

So I'm thinking: a clean and recycled peanut butter jar has GOT to be worth

or even


I fill it with hot soapy water


After five minutes of vigorous cleaning with a j-cloth it looks like this

WTF???

So I use a scrubbing brush


then wire wool


then a combination of all three, plus boiling water, and finally, desparately one of these


and now the jar looks like this

Aha! I think we're getting somewhere

I repeat, WTF?? I mean, what the hell is IN this stuff? And what's it doing to my insides? I can only conclude that my stomach and intestines must be coated with years of intractable peanut butter ingestion.

I hurl the jar in the bin.

Middlesborough isn't that bad, is it?


Welcome to Middlesborough