Osborne: "We are in the process of changing from a high tax high spending economy to a low tax low spending one..."
One nanosecond later on the screen comes:
"BREAKING NEWS...OSBORNE SAYS WE MUST CHANGE FROM A HIGH TAX HIGH SPENDING ECONOMY TO A LOW TAX LOW SPENDING ONE"
Who is this specific news service for? Not the blind. They can't see it. Not the deaf: they'd be listening to it on the radio. Perhaps it's for those with the memory of a goldfish. But that's no good is it? They's forget it as soon as it goes off the screen
Have we had our tea yet?
Anyway, he's nearly finished. He's just getting to the punchline
...and the one legged jockey says...
...when the doorbell goes.
It's one thirty in the afternoon, so it's either a meter reader
We've come to examine yer ducts...
or a bible basher
Have you heard the good news..?
or possibly
Open up! We have a suicidal mission for you on LV-426
But more likely one of these
Hello I'm collecting for...oh I see you've already given
And indeed it is a charity collector. She is about 25 and hysterically chirpy. I guess you have to be. It's probably a thankless task. I always try to be as polite as possible, But within three seconds she has thrust a picture of dogs into my personal space.
Now I have a problem with dogs. It's not that I have anything against them, it's just that I really do not like being anywhere near them. I don't like looking at them. I can't watch the television anymore because there currently seems to be a de facto rule that no advert or popular programme is allowed on the airwaves without a picture of a dog flashing up at least every ten seconds. I can't watch dogfood adverts. I can't watch the Andrex advert (it just makes me think of dogshit).
I have rehearsed this unlikely dog-charity-lady-at-the-door eventuality in my mind, and my reply is, "I'm so sorry, but this month I have given to the charity for distressed Merchant Banking Gentlefolk" but of course I don't say that. I chicken out. I wince and shy away from the picture, smile and give her a pound.
What a coward.
Sorry Merchant Bankers
Big Issue?
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