I'm terribly sorry, but is this Finsbury Park?
plus the fact that you always get stuck one millimetre away from the head of a dork playing their iPod thingy too loud so that everyone can hear that incredibly annoying 'tzss tzss tzss' sound.
Ooooh! Girls Aloud: my favourite!
No, what you really need is a lightweight, convenient strap-on high-powered invisible nuclear accelerator-laser-type apparatus
last chance to turn it down, punk
that you could aim at the head of said inconsiderate oik, and when you pointed this laser thing at their heads, you could turn a huge dial round to 'danger', press a large red button, the laser would emit a satisfyingly heavy-duty electronic pulsing sound, and their heads would immediately explode into tiny tiny pieces in a burst of light as brilliant as a billion suns.
Anyway. Where was I? Oh yes, I tend to avoid the rush hour, but yesterday morning I had a 9.00 appointment in town so was forced to take the train at about 8.15
As I got on people were squashed in the entrance, and there seemed to be lots of space along the aisle, so I shouted "can you move forward please!" at which point a furious beetroot faced woman turned on me and said "there are small children here!!!"
Well I couldn't see them. They were too small. Had her tone been informative rather than accusatory, I would have left it at that, so of course I said, rather louder than necessary "well can you just trample them underfoot please".
As she was inhaling a huge indignant breath to no doubt unleash a string of smug, righteous vitriol on me,
the whole carriage erupted in laughter, so she shut up.
Surely small children could do with a bit of trampling now and then?
Never did me any harm
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