Archaeology

When I retired eight months ago the first thing I did was to make a long list of things I was going to do, such as

tidy the garden



my shed

Tidy my desk



Picture of me mending the computer. I'm under the third motherboard from the left

Repoint the outside brickwork
Vacuum the car
Vacuum the carpet


I think we're losing suction - perhaps the bag needs changing?


Write a novel
and solve the Reimann Hypothesis

Because of pressing important distractions, such as being unavoidably asleep, I have not started on any of the above but this afternoon I HAVE started to tidy my top desk drawer, and this is what I have found in it so far:

- Fourteen biro tops
- Ten pencils: four HB but all broken, 4 x 4H, 2 x 4B. How did these get here? I have never bought anything but an HB, and yet, there they are: Useless, unless you either want to perform an emergency tracheotomy with the 4H, or make a grey mush on paper with the 4B.
- Four empty blister packs. Why have I kept them?
- A huge padlock, no key
- Eleven keys, none of which fit the padlock, and I have no idea what they do fit
- Two staplers, with no staples
- Three packs of staples, none of which fit either stapler
- A four year old car tax disc
- A bottle opener
- A large spanner
- One of those tiny sewing kits you get in a cracker
- An oxo cube
- A Cat Action Trust Chrismas Prize Draw Raffle Ticket for 2002: first prize a hamper of Whiskas (I wonder if I won?)
- Some broken plastic bits off the back of a phone
- A huge bunch of assorted business cards, dating back to the thirteenth century
- Five cheese wires
- and a plastic joke pencil sharpener in the shape of a nose