My Masterchef inspired Christmas Lunch

I am a great devotee of Masterchef. I love the new techniques favoured by many of the professional young turks vying for the coveted title.

Marcus Wareing himself is also a huge fan; eschewing the older more hands-on techniques and traditions in favour of cutting edge technology and complex fusions of dishes, cuisines, nomenclature and machines.

So with this in mind, and the excitement of the Masterchef final tomorrow night, here is my Christmas Lunch that I shall lay before ten astounded diners.

Starter

Beetroot cured slivers of line-caught smoked salmon, smoked over beechwood woodchips from a smouldering Ikea wardrobe, and garnished with a moss tuile foraged from behind the bins

This is where I usually love to forage

Main

 Deconstructed roast turkey and all the trimmings

I shall completely skin and bone the turkey, and make an enormous boudin with the turkey meat, 

Here is the turkey boudin. It is twelve feet long

which I shall cook sous vide  in the bath at 58 degrees for two long days, and serve it on a layer of bone & crispy skin soil.

Here I am carefully spooning the soil into place beneath the boudin

I shall also be serving sprouts three ways: a sprout lollipop

My sprout lollipops

 a sprout gel,

Oh but this sprout gel is simply DIVINE

and a sprout foam 

I think this might need a little more work

Also we will be having blanquettes du cochons:  I shall confit chipolatas 

and serve them enrobed in bacon

Yes that's not QUITE what I had in mind

Finally, I shall eschew the outdated roast potato in favour of a refreshing, crunchy, lightly pickled potato.

I say Rupert, could you pass the pickled potatoes please?

To finish

A trio of desserts: deconstructed mince pie

Daisy, come and tread on these if you will, Milord wants them deconstructed

a quenelle of Christmas Pudding sorbet with a twist: I shall be finishing the sorbet sous vide and serving it in a saucer.


WTF??? What happened to my fucking sorbet mother?
Oh dear, I seemed to have shat on it

These desserts will be carefully enrobed in a foam constructed with Stilton foraged from Lidl.

...and now just a soupcon of Fairy Liquid for that foamy look