Pants

Is it the light? I hope, I pray it's just the light. I hold up a pair of the missus' knickers to the light. Is there a green hue to them? I take another pair out of the drier. Same as the first pair. I am reminded of those ridiculous paint colours: "a hint of pink", a suggestion of plum", "the merest whiff of Umbrian Ochre".

I think what we've got here is "a smear of vomit green". They're all the same. Finally, skulking at the bottom of the drier, I find a green scarf. I don't know what the hell it's made of, or how it got in there. It certainly wasn't in there when I put the undies in. Some bastard leprichaun chucked it in when I wasn't looking.


Sure an' will you be wanting all the missus' pants to be turning green? Oi can help wi' dat to be sure to be sure.

Pants